there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
His nipple licking is glorious
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