I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
