All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
