She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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