I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
