Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
