Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
