she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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