Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
