Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
