we're chasing vodka with high fives
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
