You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Damn victory sex feels great
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