she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
