"it" just moved
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
