True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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