Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
