it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
