when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
