just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
