I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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