do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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