there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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