My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
