ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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