69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
