worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
