My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
