Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
