I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
