I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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