im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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