I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
