Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
