i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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