Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
