does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Still dying that you shit outside
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
