You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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