Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
