but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
