At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
