I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
