Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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