Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
