I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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