you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
