would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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