You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
