I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
