well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
