I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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